Tuesday, March 18, 2003
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooof DAH!
Whoa what a night. I am more than lucky to have gotten out of bed today and made it into work. Thing is, I knew Ari had to go to the dentist and there was no way I could call in. I’m glad that I got my ass out of bed and came though. I wasn’t sleeping well and I think my body will heal faster if it’s out and about, rather than deteriorating in my bedroom. Cept now I am feeling as though my ass is about to explode with vodka tonics. EEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Okay, wave of diarrhea has passed. Goodness.
Left here at 5pm yesterday to meet Paul’s roommate, Jen, at a bar called the “Cubby Hole”. It was in the meatpacking district, which I don’t get to very often. I couldn’t (and still can’t) believe how beautiful the weather is. I feel like spring is actually here and it’s not even June yet! When the weather is like this, it makes me eternally happy and full of life. Makes me want to be healthier. Okay whatever, back to the ridiculous night I had.
So I get to the bar at 5:30pm and Jen is supposed to meet me there at 5:45pm. I finished the rest of my book and asked the bartender if he took credit cards. He said “no, we only take cash” and then I asked him if I could start a tab. He looked at me for a moment and then said “What would you like?” I ordered my first of 382 vodka tonics and as he was making the drink I noticed a sign that said: “ABSOLUTELY NO BAR TABS”. He gave me the drink and winked at me. Eventually it was 6pm and still no sign of Jen. I had finished my drink and the bartender comes over and we have this conversation:
Bartender: Would you like another one?
Me: I would, but I don’t have any sort of cash on me and my friend is running late.
Bartender: I trust you. Let me make you another.
Me: Okay, thank you very much. What’s your name?
Bartender: James. Yours?
Me: Joe.
Bartender: (extends his hand) Nice to meet you Joe.
I notice at this point that the bartender is pretty fucking adorable and I don’t know what to do with myself. He was at least 6”1 and had dark curly-esque hair and he was sporting two days worth of scruff. He was very lean, but his clothes were baggy and fell perfectly on his upper body and ass. He had an amazing smile and was the coolest guy in the place. I was in love.
After giving me my second drink, he added green food coloring to it and the smile on my face became HUGE. “Thank you so much for being so great to me…I truly appreciate it.” “No problem Joe. Happy St. Patrick’s Day.”
Around 6:30pm, Jen showed up and I paid for the drinks that were on my tab. She and I sat at the bar for another hour or so before her friend Dana showed up. Dana was interesting and I could talk about her in greater detail except that I would rather talk about James, my new love. Over the course of the night, I paid for 3 drinks total. That includes the 2 I had before Jen got to the bar. By the time I reached my 6th drink, I was starting to realize how drunk I was becoming. Yet I was VERY in control, as I wanted to look cool in front of the hot bartender. He gave me $5 and told me to play whatever I wanted on the jukebox. I did and I tried to pick songs that I knew he would like: John Mayer, Bob Dylan, *NSYNC…okay, so I HAD to throw one song in there for me!
I got back from the jukebox to find ANOTHER drink sitting at my seat.
“James, I’m not sure that I am ready for another one”, I said.
“It’s not from me this time, it’s from Steven. Want me to introduce you?” James said.
I look over to see who “Steven” is and am horrifically reminded of a 30 year old Edwin McCain. Completely NOT my type. Just…not. Because I am a polite gentleman, I went over and sat with Edwin for at least a half an hour. I can pretty much talk to anyone and I did my absolute best to make conversation with him. I asked him all about his job, his apartment, his interests… At no point did he even ask me what I did for a living. When I found out that he has been temping at Barnard College, I threw out the fact that I work at Columbia University. (SOMETHING WE HAVE IN COMMON, RIGHT??) No, he smiled and kept talking about himself. Well Steven, you didn’t have a chance before and you SURELY don’t have one now.
Steven goes into the bathroom and James walks over to me.
Adorable, cute, want to lick his face, James.
At this point he had put on a baseball cap and this little “duck tail” of hair was coming out of the hole in the back of it. I wanted to wrap my fingers around it and pull him in VERY close to me. And he was so much taller than me! I love that. (I am 5”8 ½ member?)
“James, if Edwin McCain or anyone else wants to buy me a drink, please tell them that I am not interested and that I only buy my own drinks.” I said.
“Did you just call Steven, Edwin McCain?”
“Yes.” (getting nervous cuz I think I insulted his friend)
“BOOOOO WAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That is so funny man!” James exploded.
(nervous giggling and realizing that I am sucking this MAN in) “I just don’t want to have to sit and talk to anyone else that I am not interested in.” I said.
“Oh, does Joe have a problem being so beautiful?” James said.
“hahahaha. Yeah, that’s definitely it. I am embarrassed at my devastatingly good looks.” I blushed.
“Well, there is a reason the guys here want to buy you drinks. You have this quality about you…” James said.
(heart in my chest) “Thanks James. That is really nice. I don’t know what to say.”
He winks at me and walks away.
I float on over to the table where Jen, Dana (and now Kelly) were sitting at. Kelly arrived during all of this commotion. I explained to them that I had just fallen in love at the bar and that I didn’t know what to do about it. Kelly handled it all with ease as she is used to me falling in love the moment I see a hot guy. A MANLY hot guy. Yum.
Jen goes “Just don’t let me see anything. I wouldn’t tell Paul, but what if you end up really interested in James?”
“I won’t. It’s just nice to be wanted for once. It feels nice to be single.” I said.
During the next 15 minutes, I glanced at James numerous times and most of the time he was looking back. Smiling, pensive, obviously thinking about me and what I was about.
I decided that I wanted to give him my number. Not for sex, but for someone cool to hang out with. Makes sense, right? It’s not like I would EVER give him my number because I was interested.
SIKE. I was TOTALLY INTERESTED and at that point, Paul was so backseat.
Kelly wrote out my phone number and I told her that I was going to give it to him and then we could take off and go home. I grabbed the piece of paper, got 3 steps towards the bar and stopped walking. Was I really into James? He was nice and he was absolutely hot, but am I in a relationship with Paul or not? How could I do this to him? How could I do this to him again? No matter what problems we have. The last thing he would do is give his number to another guy. The last thing he would do is cheat on me.
I turned around and shoved the piece of paper back into Kelly’s hand.
I went over to the bar and James told me to hold for one second.
I waited for him with a pained look on my face.
“What’s wrong buddy?” James said.
“Nothing, I just wanted to say thank you again for making this a great night for me.” I said.
“Never a problem. Glad that you hung around here with me for awhile.” James said while his smoldering brown eyes made my cock stir a bit.
“When do you work here? I would love to come back and see you?”
“I work (insert times) and would be very excited to see you again too.” James said.
“Then it’s settled. I will be back soon to visit.”
“Okay.” James said, pausing I THINK to ask for my number. “Well, um…now I don’t know what to say.” James said.
“I know. I’ll see you soon.” I finally said.
“Okay man. Take care. Have a good night.”
I shook his hand, looked in his eyes one last time, and left the bar.
Kelly and I went back to our apartment and Paul showed up about a half-hour later. We argued for another hour after that and I went to bed feeling shitty.
I do love Paul. I mean, I am still IN LOVE with Paul. But sometimes it feels good to be wanted. Paul still doesn’t want to kiss or hook up. He said last night that that is because he feels that we are really “off” with eachother. We fight so much that he doesn’t see how kissing or touching in the midst of that would be ok. I think it would help us to find our way back to who we used to be.
I didn’t tell Paul about James and I don’t plan on doing it any time soon. It was a moment that I had for myself. And I missed the feeling I got from talking to someone new. With Paul I forget that I am a good looking and fun guy. I forget that I am someone that other guys want to be with. I forget that I am who I really am.
Instead, I live day to day being angry and hurt and lonely.
When is enough, enough?
Whoa what a night. I am more than lucky to have gotten out of bed today and made it into work. Thing is, I knew Ari had to go to the dentist and there was no way I could call in. I’m glad that I got my ass out of bed and came though. I wasn’t sleeping well and I think my body will heal faster if it’s out and about, rather than deteriorating in my bedroom. Cept now I am feeling as though my ass is about to explode with vodka tonics. EEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Okay, wave of diarrhea has passed. Goodness.
Left here at 5pm yesterday to meet Paul’s roommate, Jen, at a bar called the “Cubby Hole”. It was in the meatpacking district, which I don’t get to very often. I couldn’t (and still can’t) believe how beautiful the weather is. I feel like spring is actually here and it’s not even June yet! When the weather is like this, it makes me eternally happy and full of life. Makes me want to be healthier. Okay whatever, back to the ridiculous night I had.
So I get to the bar at 5:30pm and Jen is supposed to meet me there at 5:45pm. I finished the rest of my book and asked the bartender if he took credit cards. He said “no, we only take cash” and then I asked him if I could start a tab. He looked at me for a moment and then said “What would you like?” I ordered my first of 382 vodka tonics and as he was making the drink I noticed a sign that said: “ABSOLUTELY NO BAR TABS”. He gave me the drink and winked at me. Eventually it was 6pm and still no sign of Jen. I had finished my drink and the bartender comes over and we have this conversation:
Bartender: Would you like another one?
Me: I would, but I don’t have any sort of cash on me and my friend is running late.
Bartender: I trust you. Let me make you another.
Me: Okay, thank you very much. What’s your name?
Bartender: James. Yours?
Me: Joe.
Bartender: (extends his hand) Nice to meet you Joe.
I notice at this point that the bartender is pretty fucking adorable and I don’t know what to do with myself. He was at least 6”1 and had dark curly-esque hair and he was sporting two days worth of scruff. He was very lean, but his clothes were baggy and fell perfectly on his upper body and ass. He had an amazing smile and was the coolest guy in the place. I was in love.
After giving me my second drink, he added green food coloring to it and the smile on my face became HUGE. “Thank you so much for being so great to me…I truly appreciate it.” “No problem Joe. Happy St. Patrick’s Day.”
Around 6:30pm, Jen showed up and I paid for the drinks that were on my tab. She and I sat at the bar for another hour or so before her friend Dana showed up. Dana was interesting and I could talk about her in greater detail except that I would rather talk about James, my new love. Over the course of the night, I paid for 3 drinks total. That includes the 2 I had before Jen got to the bar. By the time I reached my 6th drink, I was starting to realize how drunk I was becoming. Yet I was VERY in control, as I wanted to look cool in front of the hot bartender. He gave me $5 and told me to play whatever I wanted on the jukebox. I did and I tried to pick songs that I knew he would like: John Mayer, Bob Dylan, *NSYNC…okay, so I HAD to throw one song in there for me!
I got back from the jukebox to find ANOTHER drink sitting at my seat.
“James, I’m not sure that I am ready for another one”, I said.
“It’s not from me this time, it’s from Steven. Want me to introduce you?” James said.
I look over to see who “Steven” is and am horrifically reminded of a 30 year old Edwin McCain. Completely NOT my type. Just…not. Because I am a polite gentleman, I went over and sat with Edwin for at least a half an hour. I can pretty much talk to anyone and I did my absolute best to make conversation with him. I asked him all about his job, his apartment, his interests… At no point did he even ask me what I did for a living. When I found out that he has been temping at Barnard College, I threw out the fact that I work at Columbia University. (SOMETHING WE HAVE IN COMMON, RIGHT??) No, he smiled and kept talking about himself. Well Steven, you didn’t have a chance before and you SURELY don’t have one now.
Steven goes into the bathroom and James walks over to me.
Adorable, cute, want to lick his face, James.
At this point he had put on a baseball cap and this little “duck tail” of hair was coming out of the hole in the back of it. I wanted to wrap my fingers around it and pull him in VERY close to me. And he was so much taller than me! I love that. (I am 5”8 ½ member?)
“James, if Edwin McCain or anyone else wants to buy me a drink, please tell them that I am not interested and that I only buy my own drinks.” I said.
“Did you just call Steven, Edwin McCain?”
“Yes.” (getting nervous cuz I think I insulted his friend)
“BOOOOO WAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That is so funny man!” James exploded.
(nervous giggling and realizing that I am sucking this MAN in) “I just don’t want to have to sit and talk to anyone else that I am not interested in.” I said.
“Oh, does Joe have a problem being so beautiful?” James said.
“hahahaha. Yeah, that’s definitely it. I am embarrassed at my devastatingly good looks.” I blushed.
“Well, there is a reason the guys here want to buy you drinks. You have this quality about you…” James said.
(heart in my chest) “Thanks James. That is really nice. I don’t know what to say.”
He winks at me and walks away.
I float on over to the table where Jen, Dana (and now Kelly) were sitting at. Kelly arrived during all of this commotion. I explained to them that I had just fallen in love at the bar and that I didn’t know what to do about it. Kelly handled it all with ease as she is used to me falling in love the moment I see a hot guy. A MANLY hot guy. Yum.
Jen goes “Just don’t let me see anything. I wouldn’t tell Paul, but what if you end up really interested in James?”
“I won’t. It’s just nice to be wanted for once. It feels nice to be single.” I said.
During the next 15 minutes, I glanced at James numerous times and most of the time he was looking back. Smiling, pensive, obviously thinking about me and what I was about.
I decided that I wanted to give him my number. Not for sex, but for someone cool to hang out with. Makes sense, right? It’s not like I would EVER give him my number because I was interested.
SIKE. I was TOTALLY INTERESTED and at that point, Paul was so backseat.
Kelly wrote out my phone number and I told her that I was going to give it to him and then we could take off and go home. I grabbed the piece of paper, got 3 steps towards the bar and stopped walking. Was I really into James? He was nice and he was absolutely hot, but am I in a relationship with Paul or not? How could I do this to him? How could I do this to him again? No matter what problems we have. The last thing he would do is give his number to another guy. The last thing he would do is cheat on me.
I turned around and shoved the piece of paper back into Kelly’s hand.
I went over to the bar and James told me to hold for one second.
I waited for him with a pained look on my face.
“What’s wrong buddy?” James said.
“Nothing, I just wanted to say thank you again for making this a great night for me.” I said.
“Never a problem. Glad that you hung around here with me for awhile.” James said while his smoldering brown eyes made my cock stir a bit.
“When do you work here? I would love to come back and see you?”
“I work (insert times) and would be very excited to see you again too.” James said.
“Then it’s settled. I will be back soon to visit.”
“Okay.” James said, pausing I THINK to ask for my number. “Well, um…now I don’t know what to say.” James said.
“I know. I’ll see you soon.” I finally said.
“Okay man. Take care. Have a good night.”
I shook his hand, looked in his eyes one last time, and left the bar.
Kelly and I went back to our apartment and Paul showed up about a half-hour later. We argued for another hour after that and I went to bed feeling shitty.
I do love Paul. I mean, I am still IN LOVE with Paul. But sometimes it feels good to be wanted. Paul still doesn’t want to kiss or hook up. He said last night that that is because he feels that we are really “off” with eachother. We fight so much that he doesn’t see how kissing or touching in the midst of that would be ok. I think it would help us to find our way back to who we used to be.
I didn’t tell Paul about James and I don’t plan on doing it any time soon. It was a moment that I had for myself. And I missed the feeling I got from talking to someone new. With Paul I forget that I am a good looking and fun guy. I forget that I am someone that other guys want to be with. I forget that I am who I really am.
Instead, I live day to day being angry and hurt and lonely.
When is enough, enough?
